On some matters~

I've been going through a depression again, and its like an illness, my counselor says. SO I didn't go to school on Friday because I wanted to take a day to relax and recover from my mental breakdowns, because I'd 3 in one week, two on Tuesday, and one on Thursday. Upon explaining the situation to my counselor, he diagnosed me with depression, and claimed it was like an illness because it would swing in and out. He knew because he's been through it. Also, I've lost eight pounds in two weeks because of this. I don't eat, I hardly sleep, and I wonder too many things at once. I'd told my friend who I broke down on on Tuesday about 'the monster'. I feel like its a monster, I don't know what it is, but its there whenever I close my eyes, and it builds up and continues to until I break down. A friend of mine calls it an emotional attachment. I have the emotional attachment the size of a person. Who would've known? When I broke down I started shaking and stuff, and I was crying. I feel bad because I'm putting all of this unto you guys, friends, and fans.

Then today, it's like everyone is yelling in my house since it's almost thanksgiving, I've my mom and grandma yelling in spanish and the TV full blast with politics. Don't get me started. I grabbed my headphones and blasted music, and inside the anger just brewed. I'm just tired of this all. I want everything to go away. I just want that big monster to leave me alone. I really do. I just wanna be happy y'know?

Even now I'm sort of shaking, probably due to the anger subsiding. *Sighs*

Alright, here's something for you guys

Redeemer
By D'espairsRay

Romaji

Screaming out your emotions
Ima toki YOUR MIND

Screaming out your emotions
Ai fuereta mirai no BREAKOUT

Afuerta soro ni taiyou iruke

Nemide kiri kiri no suiru te saita ha to wosukete
Mouwo sawashiteku kaosu no ustsu wa DOWN DOWN toiko me
Zetsubou shiteru shikan nado NOW NOW tsukiru kete

Screaming out your emotions (screaming out your emotions...)
Screaming out your emotions (screaming out your emotions...)

O mieru dakero jibun wo afuere
Hajimai no kare ga ibimita koko ya BIRTHDAY me wo hirake
Kasokushite yuku shiheno saki e DOWN DOWN tomiko me
Musekaeru THIS WORLD kigisaite yuku NOW NOW nakuwaure

Try, trust yourself
Alright, now don't say, away
Coming out to you now

Kodoku ha kono sekai wa kimi no koewo naiteru
Sosaino sono imi sake ore wa ima koko ni iru

Mouwo sawashiteku kaosu no ustsu wa DOWN DOWN toiko me
Zetsubou shiteru shikaonai NOW NOW tsuki o kete

Screaming out your emotions (screaming out your emotions)
Screaming out your emotions (screaming out your emotions)
Screaming out your emotions (screaming out your emotions)
Screaming out your emotions...
Break...
___________________

English


Screaming out your emotions!
Set your mind free
Screaming out your emotions!
Breakout from the mundane future
Your thoughts are overflowing, shoot through the sun
Everyday little thrill makes your rusted heart burn

Jump down, down
to the swirl of spinning wildly chaos
There's no time for despair
now, now, break through

Screaming out your emotions!

Bury yourself, that only can be frightened
The bells of beginning ringed
Here's birthday, open your eyes

Jump down, down
to accelerating horizon
This choking world
tear it to pieces! Now, now, to the paradise

Dive! Trust yourself!
Arise! We're not slaves!
Awake! Calling out to you now...

This lonely world in wating for your voice
Scream out your existence and the meaning
"Here I am"

Jump down, down
to the swirl of spinning wildly chaos
There's no time for despair
now, now, break through

Screaming out your emotions!